heart

My theory was that all the pieces, heart, body, mind, are split for the safety of the general public. Snicked into brushed steel boxes, tight in black foam, unstable parts of an explosive whole. A woman would be too powerful as one cohesive unit, bubbling with such chemical reactions. I didn't think you could take all of me at once.

That was my theory anyway. I thought it worked so well. That I was broken into bits so that i could hide away what I wanted to protect. Leave my heart tucked away as I ran riot. Like a pair of shoes saved for just the right occasion. The shine of their fabric and the sharp of their heel saved for the right dance. I imagined the disconnect would keep it away from harm. I didn't trust myself with its fist sized, fleshy passion stuck in a cage of blood and body.

Where were you heart? Were you hiding away like a child hearing her parents fight? Or knocking at the door like a persistent Jehovah's Witness trying to show me a new way of life. Was the thud-thud not my pulse, but you wanting to be let in.

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't keep you out of the equation. I couldn't fuck without feelings. But I won't feign regret; I don't wish to cauterize the wounds left by twisted sheets and limbs. I
don't want to forget the time I spent with him, my last experiment.

But this time I promise to be a better caretaker, oh heart of mine.