Think less, write more...

Think less, write more. I'm gonna go with that...

Have you ever run into the brick wall of your self definition? Come to realize that your idea of you is holding you back? That you may well be so much more than you think you are?

--Negative self assessment coming, no need to be alarmed.--

I am late. I am scattered. I am messy and disorganized and likely to poop out before I succeed.

No matter what my actions, no matter how I have improved in these areas, I still hold these truths to be self evident.

Yesterday I realized... I don't have to believe I'm different to act differently. My actions don't need to be guided by my feelings, they don't need to follow my self definition. I can be Kira (thescrewupmess) but not procrastinate for right now.

I can act differently, just for the sake of acting differently. I can divorce my feelings from my actions. Act differently than the person I think I am, and maybe become the person I was meant to be.


P.S. I've attached the following which was written by Marianne Williamson in her book A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles. (FYI It is often incorrectly credited to Nelson Mandela.)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Commercial Lust...

Me want the pretty pretties...

http://ifitshipitshere.blogspot.com/2009/07/artist-decorated-brain-buckets-raise.html

I use my bike as my primary mode of transportation. Problem is, I HATE wearing a helmet. I do it. I do it the way that I quit smoking, despite not wanting to. With a helmet like these I may change my tune.

barefoot

In my fancy shoes I tower over his modest height, bringing me from above average to amazon.

"You are not the kind of girl who needs to wear heels"

I slip one off and sink down 4 inches.

"Better?"

"Yep"

"Now all I need is to be pregnant and in the kitchen"

He raises his eyebrows

"You know that saying right?"

"Yeah, I do, I'm just not hungry right now"

hope

will you be..
..the leaf caught
...eyelash blown
....penny tossed
will you be the wish that comes true?

Things I love about New York

An ongoing list...

1) I am 3 blocks away from the best chocolate chip cookies in the world.
2) Bookstores are open till midnight.
3) I can buy a meal (of varying healthfulness) for less than $5.00
4) The huge range of people, allowing for the most horrid and the most beautiful.
5) My students, because they have no idea that they are living in New York City.
6) I am a five-minute walk from a sex store.
7) I can buy the best of anything. Most importantly I can find the best fresh eggs, the best organic frozen food, the best lemon meringue pie, and a wide variety of killer cupcakes.
8) This is where most of my friends live.
9) Riverside park. A statue of Eleanor Roosevelt greets you as you walk in. There is the river if you bear West and swing sets if you know where to look.
10) Central park, each gate is named something different (the children's gate, the engineer's gate, and my favorite the stranger's gate). If you choose the less-beaten path you can convince yourself you're in the woods somewhere far away from all things urban.
11) I don't have to drive to work. In fact, I really don't have to drive anywhere.
12) All the beautiful people in their beautiful clothes.
13) Seeing young aspiring actors perform Shakespeare on a subway train, and break dancers narrowly avoid poles as they somersault down that same train car.
14) One word... non-smoking.
15) My bike has turned this big city into a small town.
16) Locking eyes with a stranger and sharing some moment, enabled by the sheer density of people and the lack of cars.
17) The memories of my father woven through my neighborhood.
18) Novelty is so close. It's just outside my comfort zone, just a subway stop further away than I'm planning to go.
19) This city is made for walking.

good things come to those who wait

She is at about rib height, 5 years old, and bouncing next to me as I stand at my desk.

She points to my chest, and asks.

"What are those?"

"The flowers on my dress, or" -I gesture towards my chest- "these?"

"Those!"

"Um, they are part of my body"

"What are they? Why don't I have those? Why are they so big?

"They are breasts, and you'll have them when you grow up"

"Why don't I have them now? It's not fair!"

Final Destination

"I was at the bar with my friends and he came by. He stays 15 minutes and leaves. I was a stop-by... I thought I was the final destination"

My roommate continues to tell me about her night. I can't stop thinking about how awesome the phrase she just came up with is.

"We'd texted about this, talked about it earlier today, he said he was finally so excited to hang out. And then he just... leaves!"

She was a stop-by, not the final destination. Just what we need, another way to be blown off.