Monday, April 21, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
right-hand man
He keeps his left hand jammed in his pants pocket the whole time we talk. As if my eyes were not quick enough to catch the flash of monogamy before he hid it from my view. As if my adoration of his puppy would somehow rub off on it's owner. He is banally handsome. In that clean, GAP, blue button up, nothing to note, way. But if the ring on his finger (the one he hides so faithfully) is any indication, he's married.
My boss once said, "Marriage takes work, it takes willpower. I will stay faithful, I will stay married". I wonder, is anything that hard worth keeping? Is the temptation to leave a sign that is time to do so? I'm suspicious of anything powered by my own will alone. I'm so used to my desires leading me astray that I can't imagine using that power of self to control my relationship status. I can't fathom that the tenacity that allows me to hold on to the wrong, powering me to hold on to the right.
I don't know what it takes to make coupledom successful. I haven't given monogamy enough of a shot to say whether I think long-term relationships can work. But the thought that they don't makes me sad. The idea that marriage is only forever until something better comes along, that love only lasts for the time in which the happy is more than the sad, that just like my life each and every relationship will come to an end with varying degrees of pain. The possibility that love and devotion are never constant and always fleeting depresses me. Am I the only one?
My boss once said, "Marriage takes work, it takes willpower. I will stay faithful, I will stay married". I wonder, is anything that hard worth keeping? Is the temptation to leave a sign that is time to do so? I'm suspicious of anything powered by my own will alone. I'm so used to my desires leading me astray that I can't imagine using that power of self to control my relationship status. I can't fathom that the tenacity that allows me to hold on to the wrong, powering me to hold on to the right.
I don't know what it takes to make coupledom successful. I haven't given monogamy enough of a shot to say whether I think long-term relationships can work. But the thought that they don't makes me sad. The idea that marriage is only forever until something better comes along, that love only lasts for the time in which the happy is more than the sad, that just like my life each and every relationship will come to an end with varying degrees of pain. The possibility that love and devotion are never constant and always fleeting depresses me. Am I the only one?
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)