You knew I was a monkey, why are you asking me to be a cat? - w4m
SCENE I.
ME: Come look at me in my sexy monkey costume! Isn’t it awesome?
YOU: Damn, girl, you’re a great monkey! I really like the tail!
ME: I know! Check out the ears, and the paws! I love my monkey suit!
YOU: Do you ever wear anything else?
ME (Shakes ass to better show off the tail): I’m a monkey, I’m a sexy monkey! EEEEEKKK!
YOU: How about this (pulls out a cat outfit)?
ME: Um. That’s nice.
YOU: Because I’m really into cats.
ME: Why don’t you go talk to one of those cats over there, by the scratching posts? They look friendly. You’re hanging out here, by the bananas, where we monkeys like to congregate. EEEEEKKK!
YOU: Because I think you’d look hot as a cat. And we seem to have so much in common: both are mammals. Here, let’s just switch these ears. MEE-OOW, that’s hot!
ME: I feel awkward.
YOU: You look great. Purr for me, baby.
ME: Purr.
YOU: Say, “Meow.”
ME: They don’t go with my paws.
YOU: Try these paws.
ME: I would--I would rather have my own paws. Can I have my ears back?
YOU: Why are you being so difficult? I feel like we aren’t connecting.
ME: Because you’ve just met me and you’re not into what I like about me.
YOU: I am, I just think you should be a little flexible.
ME: I didn’t realize I was wishy-washy. I should have stood my ground a little firmer. Lesson learned. Here are your ears back, sir.
SCENE II.
ME: Come look at me--I’m a mongoose! Chillin’ by this bowl of rubber snakes! Waiting for another mongoose. Or a ferret. Or a marmot. Or another weird carnivore. Not putting on a bunny suit. Or a squirrel outfit. Rather be alone than change for anyone else. I’ll change for me, but not for you.
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