contract

I have had a hard time getting work done today. I think I spend most of my time dawdling, looking for something which is integral to my work, or fucking around on the internet.

Here's the thing, I have a good work ethic. I am intelligent, motivated, and hard working... Under the right circumstances. The job I do right now requires little to no brain power, has even less structure, is monotonous and is overall fucking lame. The job I will start again in a few weeks changes all the time, is emotionally rewarding, requires me to be on the ball and to strive to be better each day. It also provides me with a salary vastly less than what I need. Soon I will not be able to depend upon my mother for financial assistance and I've come to a crossroads. Do I stick with the job I love, entry level though it may be. Or do I rejoin the corporate world and make at least 20% more a year.

I don't think I can even make this decision this year. I've promised so many kids I would return. I can't break those kind of promises, I tear up just thinking about it. Even though I panic at the thought of scrambling to make ends meet I can only have faith that I will be taken care of.