Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Resolution
New Year's brings an end to my holiday season. Traditionally it's the last night of gluttony before the penance of resolution. Well, I think New Year's is a dumb holiday. Too much expectation met with inevitable disappointment. What do you get for the whole of it? A mascara smeared pillow case and a wretched hangover. The spit of a stranger on your mouth because you were too scared to be alone. Bills will still exist, infidelities will be remembered, and grudges will hold strong on January 1st. You do not get a fresh start on the midnight of New Year's eve anymore than you do on any other midnight.
Beginning each year we gorge on hope. New Year's day we voice our plan to make our shoulds into wills. Well I don't believe in resolutions. They are candles with only so much wax to burn, doomed to sputter out. They are a looking glass version of self flagellation. (You will be better because you were not good enough. You will be kinder because you were cruel. And on, and on.) If you have changes you want to make, then desire alone should be enough to spur you to action. Why wait for champagne, ticker tape, and a dropping ball to make your life anew. Any day above ground is a day you can change.
America is the land of the makeover, do over, and try again. We have scores of TV shows devoted to our favorite past time-- improvement. Whether it's your house, your ass, or your face. We can improve upon it, and it's downright lazy of you not to. This constant striving breeds discontent. We can never be happy with what we have. Using scalpels, hammers, and money we beat the now into a shinier happier future. We do not stop for gratitude. We barrel ahead, thinking not of where we are but where we'll be.
This year I hope to buck the trend. Not to be something that I'm not. But rather to be. In the moment, where I am, as I am. To inhabit the present in mind, body, and spirit. And not bemoan that it is not something else. To try to practice presence and gratitude, and put down whatever failure I would use to hurt myself. Sound like a resolution? Probably, but it's one I've been making everyday for years. Each new day of this new year is what each day was the year before: one more shiny, battered, chance.
Beginning each year we gorge on hope. New Year's day we voice our plan to make our shoulds into wills. Well I don't believe in resolutions. They are candles with only so much wax to burn, doomed to sputter out. They are a looking glass version of self flagellation. (You will be better because you were not good enough. You will be kinder because you were cruel. And on, and on.) If you have changes you want to make, then desire alone should be enough to spur you to action. Why wait for champagne, ticker tape, and a dropping ball to make your life anew. Any day above ground is a day you can change.
America is the land of the makeover, do over, and try again. We have scores of TV shows devoted to our favorite past time-- improvement. Whether it's your house, your ass, or your face. We can improve upon it, and it's downright lazy of you not to. This constant striving breeds discontent. We can never be happy with what we have. Using scalpels, hammers, and money we beat the now into a shinier happier future. We do not stop for gratitude. We barrel ahead, thinking not of where we are but where we'll be.
This year I hope to buck the trend. Not to be something that I'm not. But rather to be. In the moment, where I am, as I am. To inhabit the present in mind, body, and spirit. And not bemoan that it is not something else. To try to practice presence and gratitude, and put down whatever failure I would use to hurt myself. Sound like a resolution? Probably, but it's one I've been making everyday for years. Each new day of this new year is what each day was the year before: one more shiny, battered, chance.
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